Reflecting on the End of the year.

As the winter season approaches, a time often reserved for reflection and introspection, I find myself pausing to consider the journey of my first semester as a PhD student in Couple and Family Therapy. This reflective period feels like stepping into a quiet, snow-covered forest—a stark contrast to the cultural cacophony of speed, indulgence, and relentless productivity. Amid these societal pressures, my journey has unfolded with a sense of purposeful alignment, weaving together personal and professional growth in ways that feel both challenging and profoundly meaningful.

Winter, with its slower rhythms and quieter days, invites a natural turning inward—a space to untangle the complexities of transformation. I think about the stillness of a bitter, frost-laden morning, how it mirrors the need for patience, deliberate pacing, and a willingness to sit with discomfort. This semester has been just that—a season of patience and presence, requiring me to listen to both the loud and quiet truths of my evolving identity.

Throughout this semester, I have revisited core aspects of myself, unraveling and weaving back together a tapestry shaped by culture, family, and lived experience. My neurodivergence, Filipino and Japanese heritage, and positionality as a queer individual have all surfaced as integral lenses through which I approach both personal growth and academic rigor. These layers of identity do not merely color my perspective—they illuminate my values, anchoring me in the critical consciousness necessary to challenge systems of inequity and oppression.

Embracing Complexity

The transition to doctoral studies has been both exhilarating and humbling. It has asked me to stand in the tension between what I know and what I have yet to understand. The academic rigor and relational depth of Couple and Family Therapy demand not only knowledge but also a willingness to confront my own narratives. Reflecting on my upbringing within a military family, where privilege and marginalization often intersected, has deepened my understanding of systemic dynamics and intersectionality. These insights are not just academic—they are deeply relational, shaping the way I show up as a therapist, a partner, and an advocate.

I have also grappled with the paradox of navigating professional and personal roles while remaining attuned to the broader sociopolitical context. The 2024 holiday season, heavy with the weight of political divides and social unrest, has amplified the urgency of translating theoretical explorations into real-world applications. This semester has reminded me that bridging the personal and the collective is not optional; it is the very essence of relational healing and systemic advocacy.

The Role of Narrative and Music

Music has been my companion through this journey, a grounding force that often speaks the words I cannot. Much like a mixtape, my semester has been a collection of moments, each with its own melody and mood. Tracks that once felt tied to adolescent turmoil now resonate with new meanings, illustrating the fluidity of growth. Artists like Janelle Monáe, Utada Hikaru, and Rina Sawayama have shaped the soundtrack of this season, their work steeped in themes of identity, resistance, and transformation.

Utada Hikaru’s "忘却" (“Oblivion”) holds particular resonance. The lyrics: "The road leading to a bright place / Might not be filled with only light," capture the bittersweet dance of loss and renewal. This semester has been about holding space for impermanence—embracing the grief, joy, and contradictions that come with change. It has asked me to listen to the quiet places within myself and to trust that growth often happens in those hushed intervals.

Negotiating Boundaries and Belonging

One of the most poignant lessons of this semester has been navigating boundaries—both within relationships and within myself. The pressures to perform and the desire to remain authentic have often collided, leaving me to wrestle with how dominant narratives shape my expectations. In therapy, I see this struggle mirrored in my clients, who grapple with the same tensions between cultural expectations and personal autonomy.

For me, revisiting cultural narratives around independence and interdependence has been illuminating. Growing up in a family marked by racial, class, and gender complexities taught me the delicate art of balancing communal values with individual aspirations. These dynamics now inform my therapeutic approach, where I emphasize the importance of honoring both relational and individual needs. This balancing act is not merely theoretical; it is the thread running through my own relationships, demanding presence, humility, and adaptability.

Social Justice and Systemic Advocacy

This semester has reinforced an essential truth: therapy is inherently political. Theoretical frameworks explored in class have only deepened my commitment to equity and decolonial practices in therapeutic spaces. For marginalized communities—particularly trans and nonbinary individuals of color—therapy must extend beyond healing; it must be a space of resistance and empowerment.

Byung-Chul Han’s "Psychopolitics" has challenged me to critically examine how neoliberal ideologies seep into therapeutic practices. These ideologies often perpetuate narratives of individual productivity at the expense of relational and communal well-being. This critique has sharpened my awareness of how technology and therapy intersect, pushing me to prioritize connection over commodification. These reflections are not abstract; they ground my research on loneliness and isolation within queer and trans communities of color.

Bridging the Personal and Professional

This semester has underscored the necessity of aligning personal values with professional aspirations. As a PhD student, therapist, and advocate, I find myself in a liminal space—a place of constant negotiation between past experiences, present responsibilities, and future goals. This interplay has deepened my appreciation for the relational nature of growth, reminding me that collaboration and mutual accountability are central to both therapy and social justice work.

My research on digital intimacy and systemic inequities is deeply tied to my lived experiences of navigating identity and belonging. These intersections provide a unique vantage point from which to challenge dominant narratives and advocate for more inclusive practices. Winter, with its call to pause and recalibrate, has given me the space to align these aspirations with actionable steps.

Looking Forward

As the year draws to a close, I am struck by the iterative nature of growth. Much like the cycles of the seasons, progress is not linear but cyclical, requiring moments of rest and reflection to propel forward movement. Winter’s stillness is a reminder that the most profound transformations often come quietly in the spaces where we least expect them.

Looking ahead, I remain committed to creating spaces that honor the complexities of identity and experience. Whether through collaborative research, clinical practice, or systemic advocacy, my goal is to amplify marginalized voices and challenge oppressive systems. This semester has shown me the resilience inherent in these efforts—a resilience that carries both struggle and possibility.

In the quiet of winter, I hold gratitude for this journey—for the lessons, the connections, and the opportunities to grow. The tracks of this semester’s mixtape will continue to play, their harmonies reminding me of the profound interplay between the personal and the collective in the pursuit of equity and meaning.