They/Them/Theirs

Me and aunty (1995)

Why did you choose to become a therapist who works with relationships?

Between 2012 and 2014, I experienced being unhoused several times and had difficulty holding down and finding work because of my living situation. I thought to myself: “I have a college degree. I thought this would be enough.” I would often experience major bouts of anxiety and depression. To mask and cope, I would often turn to alcohol. 

My pursuit of mental health care as a career started after being hospitalized after a major depressive episode. It wasn’t my first, nor my last depressive episode but there was something that shifted within me where I felt something needed to change in my life and quickly. I was tired of being tired. And I felt the care that I was receiving, did not seem to help. I wanted things to change.

After a series of conversations with a friend who was going through schooling to be a marriage and family therapist, I saw some potential paths toward change. So, I made the decision to go back to school. 

I originally didn’t think I wanted to or would be able to be an effective relational therapist because of my relationship experiences in my teens and early adulthood. Whether it was my experience not fitting in as a gay Asian in Minnesota (where I was simultaneously fetishized and desexualized) or feeling like something was off with who I was; who is to say exactly why I felt underqualified at this point in my life.

I wish I could say there is a defining event that got me invested in relational work, but truly it was through not just vulnerable conversations (in and out of therapy) about what was or was not happening (romantically, platonically or otherwise), but taking ownership of my own actions and thoughts in seemingly inconsequential ways that I saw the power and possibility in relational ‘work.’ And it is work, specifically a practice, that I believe can be rewarding.

Me facilitating the first meeting of the MAMFT Mentorship Program with some amazing colleagues (2019)

Where did you grow up and what was your experience growing up?

I was born in the Philippines in 1990 and immigrated with my family to the US not too shortly after. In fact, my family’s immigration was predicated by the 1991 eruption of Mount Pinatubo on the main island of Luzon. Growing up in a US Air Force family, we moved somewhat regularly when arriving in the US. However, the places that were formative for me were Texas, Alabama, North Dakota, and South Dakota. Generally speaking, I spent the most time as a child and teen in a small town of 2000ish in northeastern South Dakota. 

As an adult, I look back on that time with a lot of mixed emotions because aspects of myself, such as my sexuality and skin color, were met with mixed, sometimes violent, reactions by people I would encounter. If you ask me how it was for me growing up, I will often say it was hard for various reasons. But I will often recount warmth and kindness. The arts, specifically band, choir, and drama clubs are where you would typically find me most at home. I often labeled myself as a band nerd. I’m still a music nerd at heart.

What do you do outside of the therapy space?

Bike, hike, play video games (RPGs, J-RPGs mostly), play clarinet and piano, sing, cook (Filipino and Japanese food: sinigang and katsudon are my soul food), watch anime, Jdramas, British comedy panel shows, horror movies; garden, and eat sushi. 

Who are the important people in your life?

My partner, Stella and Goma (see picture), 2 close friends whom I consider my family, as well as my community of therapists at Edges Wellness Center.